My girlfriend is going to be an elementary school teacher. This is her handwriting.
This made me cry so hard because I haven’t seen the cursive alphabet in so long they’ve stopped teaching it where I live
British Tumblr Posts photoset #2
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Ferguson Police: He was trying to steal Candy from a store and was pushing and punching-
Store: -Actually that didn’t happen.
Ferguson Police: Well, he forced his way into a cop’s car, shoved the police man to grab and steal his gun to use on-
Witnesses: - Actually he was standing several feet away from the police, before he was shot by the police man.
Ferguson Police: Well he-
Dick riding IS NOT a form of transportation!!!!!!!!
*announces my pregnancy at your funeral to shift the attention around to me*
go ape shit with this
now that this post has gotten around somewhat I wish I came up with better phrases for my sample bracelets
how to get a girls panties wet:
- kiss her roughly
- shove her down on the bed
- slip off her underwear
- slam dunk em in the toilet
girl: he cheated on me
me: then break up with him
*slides you $20* pls stop ignoring me
hey look a $20 bill
So i have this giant pencil right
I think we all know where this is going.
the amount of people saying that they were expecting me to shove it up my ass is alarming
*tap dances over to u* bitch do we have a problem
friend: i’m getting mcdonalds you want anything?
me: i don’t have money
friend: it’s all good, i’ll pay
if i ever got sentenced to house arrest i’d just laugh at the judge
But then in that situation, you wouldn’t. Because you would have to have done some crimes, leaving the house constantly to declare that. So you don’t really spend time at home…